“Americans, can you see that our country is starting to look like Iran, Venezuela and Honduras? Our freedom is slowly being taken away from us. Let your congressman and senators know how you feel.”

“Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett were very, very popular entertainers, but Michael Jackson was much more popular than she was.”

“I would like to thank the person who returned the wedding gift that I left with the store clerk at Belk’s. Sheila called me to pick it up. Thank you both very much.”

“I would like to thank the man who stopped and helped my mom and niece when they had a wreck on Sunday on Highway 122 around 6:20 a.m. and for staying with them until help arrived. We forgot to get your name. They would like to thank you, too.”

“You people at the paper are obviously the ones writing most of these rants and raves. What a joke!”

“Congressmen care if the pork they want is in a bill and nothing more. They sign it without reading the entire thing because they do not care as long as they get what they want. What more proof do you need?”

“Great! Georgia has just solidified its position as the No. 1 redneck state. Note April as Confederate History Month.”

“If you don’t want to read about Michael Jackson, put the paper down. If you don’t want to see him on TV, turn it off. Get used to it. There are going to be reports about Michael Jackson running for a long time.”